So, you want to hire a rockstar developer?

Now, I keep coming across these beautifully written job ads, looking for rockstar developers (you've seen them, too - remember all those ads asking for at least 10 years of experience in C++11?)

I am finally caving in. After all the years I've been working at Mr Evil, I will now offer up my services and come respond to your desire to find a true rockstar.

Send me your companies offer. Send it to me by strippergram. I'll put it on a stack with all the others, and then, if you're lucky, I'll have myself driven up to your offices in an immensely long limo. Your expenses not mine, obviously. I'll step in to the sounds of a blazing anthem with a background choir humming enthusiastically as I strut across the red carpet to the champaign reception you'll be hosting to woo me.

If your CEO is good and kisses the enormous ruby ring you'll have sent me as a present for this very occasion just right, I might even agree to grace your puny little startup with my presence. Provided you sign that contract stipulating ten-M upfront, class A share of proceeds, private office in a villa in Colorado with a private jet and airfield. Please talk to my agent. I will have to insist on creative freedom and partial ownership rights to the improved Mass Effect endings I'll be producing at my desk when inspiration strikes.

Oh, what? You were thinking more along the lines of 150k and 0.5% equity? And you want me to fix the throughput of that pathetic service you built?

Woah.

Sounds to me like you're looking more for a backstage technician, maybe? Time for me to grab my tiny whitish poodle and go for the grand exit.

Nice knowing you.