iPhoto just killed two years worth of memories

Software update graced me with a new version of iPhoto (2011), and on starting the app afresh, it prompted me to update my library. So far, so good. A progress dialog appears, runs through 9 tasks in record time... and hangs on "100% done with 9 of 9 tasks". For half an hour, for an hour, until I finally google (too late!) for this issue and discover that others have run into the same issue. I spend another hour attempting to repair the damage following the many good solutions touted on the wide, wide web.
No avail. Every time I start iPhoto, it's hanging. Great.
I copy the masters out of the library, delete the entire mess and rebuild.
Now I've lost all photo attributions, and it turns out that the resulting photos are a complete mess - the order in which they had been added is messed up, the new imports appear as a random jumble of photos from the last two years.

Thank you Apple, here's too the death of software quality.

Mood: Incredibly pissed off.